Life after chemo

been a while. i'm going to hv my 6th chemo next tues if all goes well. couldn't believe it myself. very grateful to my sis n friends for their encouraging words and motivations. my sis will come at least twice a mth armed with many medicines for me.

d 1st and 2nd chemo were okay. however after 3rd chemo i started coughing non-stop. that's my after effects of chemo. some people they hv mouth ulcers, could not move and many more. but mine....cough. had to wear pad all d time. cried a few times coz very difficult to pray. 

d climax so far would be after d 4th chemo. my white cell was low. 0.7 to be exact. had to be hospitalised for 1 wk just in time for Aidiladha. very stressful n sad that morning waiting for d kids to arrive. my beloved hubby thought that going to kenduri is far more important than visiting    d wife in d hosp. so lesson learnt that day was i can sacrificed everything for my hubby when he was sick but he definitely can't. very sad indeed.

so here i am praying that my 6th chemo will be okay. then will proceed with radio theraphy. these ordeals n obstacles hv taught me who cares abt me n willing to go d extra miles. very grateful that d children seem to be okay n don't mind that much that they had just to stay at home coz i cldn't take them out as usual.

a month had passed after my surgery. lots of things had happened. whatever it is my fate and destiny is in God's hand.


tomorrow is the much dreaded chemo session. d 1st ever. had talked to quite a few people about the after effects of chemo and everyone has different stories. i don't know how mine going to be. just praying hard that i will survive this n be strong for the sake of my children. i take all these as a test from Allah. He knows what is the best for me.


hope i will be strong tomorrow n can move about as usual after that. i have to because have no one who is able to help me to go through my routine as usual. Amin!!!

lots of things had happened. my scouts went to state level again but unfortunately couldn't be with them due to my own misfortune. the worst thing befalls upon me. yeah!!! i am diagnosed with breast cancer and had successfully removed my right breast. now i'm recuperating at home while waiting for my chemo sessions in 1 month's time.

during my time of need my beloved sister is my pillar of strength. she took a few days off just to be with me. now she is the one who is hunting n buying all sorts of supplements for me as i have to prepare myself mentally and physically for chemo. as yours truly is invalid now. i was asked to restrain myself from driving. therefore i have to depend on my sis n beloved neighbours to do errands for me. 

so where is my other half? well!!!! some things are better left unsaid.

praying hard to Allah that i will get through all these for the sake of my two small children.

mid-year exam n d weather is scorching hot. d air conditioner also not working properly. what to do. just bear with it. feeling very tired of work. there's endless meeting n various datelines to be met. somehow or rather i couldn't care less now. this definitely not a good sign for me. this could be a symptom of depression and tiredness. wish i have money which grows on tree so that do not have to tolerate these unprofessional and heartless and emotionless people who treat the stuff as if we are robots!!!

Hari Raya

Aidilfitri is lurking nearby. not really excited with d fiasco. hvn't shop anything. already prepare stuff 4 d boys b4 ramadhan. since mum passed away this festive occasion does not really means that much 2 me. d kids r also seems uninterested. so many things refrain me from enjoying hari raya. not keen 2 go back n spend d auspicious day with my gossip monger in-laws. really disgusted with few of them who r snobs. well just hv to tolerate n keep on smiling as if nothing happen. what a life!!!!

blood is thicker than water?????

had been patient for many years but recent event made me think. can i remove this person from my family list?????

sakit hati... geram n all d bad feelings r inside me. unfortunately have no one two share the burden except beloved sis who also had d same feelings. wish i never known this person my entire life. but what to do. we can't pick our family. arghhhhhh.............

it's already coming up to d 6th day of Ramadhan and i yet to break fast with beloved hbby. fortunately fikri never complaint and he couldn't be bothered anyway. as fpr me life goes on as usual. still hvn't finish d 1st verse of holy Quran. felt sleepy by 9 p.m but still manage 2 do terawih on my own.

anyway my little bro promise 2 come 2moro. at least he remembers his big sis. been yrs that we sat 2gether to break fast. how time flies!!!

finally beloved hbby send email 2 d website n had cause quite a commotion at work. am i happy abt it? 50 - 50 i would say coz he was actually right in certain aspects but what he meant 2 say had been misunderstood by d higher boss. i understand why my beloved send it but d boss failed 2 understand. for what it's worth i'm happy 2 know that my other half actually aware of my situation.

Simen lagi!!!

well!!! ingat faiz blh buka simen but end up kena pakai lg 1 bln. have 2 bear with it. nasib ler. anak sendiri. semua ni dugaan dariNya. sikit saja. orang lain lagi byk dugaan.

saps not zaps!!!

yeah!!! lucky us a group of nazir will be coming next monday. everyone is on their toes to finish everything on time n yours truly don't even know what to do. just follow d flow. we do all d hard work n other people will get the glory.

as if that's not enough now we have 'saps' to be completed within 2 weeks if i'm not mistaken. have to key in all the students' marks from the beginning. of course we can do it anywhere at anytime we like but if the website is congested????? of course the marks will be lost somewhere online, just like what happened to me this evening. does anyone care? not really. that's your job. do it!!!!

if only i have other options!!! should i ask for a transfer???? something to ponder on for d entire week.........

Long Hiatus

It's been a long time since i check my own blog. many things had happened. my eldest already entered school. he's already in year 2. my second son going to turn 4 this year. how time flies. already celebrated my 9th year of marriage. really how time flies. already lost my father in law. so many things had happened. whatever it is i just have to be strong for the sake of my children.

life at work is not getting better with the new bosses but i adore n love most of my colleagues. i survived the days at work because of those who are close to me. this already early may and i'm extremely exhausted of work. seem i seldom have the weekend free. eagerly waiting for the upcoming 2 weeks of holidays.

wish life could be easier but thats the way it is. so just bear with it and go with the flow.

this is old news actually. in conjunction of my 36th birthday i had 2 birthday party surprises. d 1st one by my neighbour who also d kids babysitter. she took all d trouble 2 cook 4 me n also order cake 2 celebrate d auspicious day. quite embarassing actually since d other neighbours keep on give remarks on how "old" i am 2 hv a birthday celebration. anyway i was quite touch by her kindness since my hubby not around.
d next day my entire 5sc1 manage 2 fool me with their superb acting; muaz and zufar that is. actually i was about 2 cry when amirah told me that both of them were fighting. many bad things conjured up in my mind. so glad that it was only acting. i'm deeply touch with d work that they done in order to celebrate my birthday. thanx 2 d masterminds: nadra n nur aina. even though i always nag all of u but deep down inside me i treat all of u as my children. i wish all of u d best in ur future undertakings. i'll treasure d moment that i spend trying 2 educate all of u 2 become better individuals.

it has been ages since i last written here. nothing much going on in my life except that my hubby is now away working in bintulu. since he always away from me so i guess that doesn't bother me that much. secretly i'm a bit glad coz if he's around all the time i sometimes feel suffocated. not a very nice feeling indeed. got lots of work need to be done but as usual i have the tendency to ignore them. i'll do whatever needs to be done when the time comes. so far i manage to do my work. it just that i work slowly till it get to people's nerves. the children are being themselves. always testing mummy's patience and i definitely do not have any. sometimes i pity them but i have to be strict coz i'm the only parent that they will grow up with. i don't have the intention to relocate to bintulu. guess the kids n i just have each other.

finished with d kawad kaki daerah. happy that my scouts managed 2 get d 2nd place. now waiting 4 d skool's kawad kaki. can't wait 4 everything 2 be finished. got a course 2 attend 2. pemeriksa ujian lisan muet. mcm mana lak i yg kena. hv 2 go 2 klang 2 attend d course. a town where i avoid going due 2 d jam. well what 2 do. it's work. hope 2 finish typing d question ppr 4 mid yr this wkend. i think i really need a rest.

here i am attending a wedding at my sis in law. had 2 take leave in order 2 b here. 2day suppose 2 b another school day but here i am. not very keen 2 be here but have 2 since this is family. if i'm not here i'm sure there will be lots of questions. ppl just don't understand my nature of work including my own hsb. he just fail 2 understand why i hv lots of work 2 do. why i am at work most saturdays coz other ppl r at home enjoying d weekend. why r there so many books that i brought home. why i seems 2 b typing most of d time. well i did my best 2 explain but it's very hard for him 2 accept it. i bet my other friends i having d same prob. how i wish that my life cld be simpler but this is what i want 2 do regardless how helpless i feel most of d time. kudos 2 all my friends who r teachers!!!

Tired!!!

this is d 1st round of sending d books 4 marking this yr. already passed d dateline. i still haven't send anything yet. i'm so left behind in everything i guess. still trying to finish my work but once i'm home nothing can be done properly. wonder how my friends juggle their work. God help me!!!

Endless Work

it's been quite a while i'm offline. don't hv enough time 2 juggle my work n family. next wk xtra class will start. definitely will be coming home late. fariz app with d ent specialist is also next wk. hopefully he'll be ok. i hv 2 prepare 3 q ppr for d upcoming mid-yr exam. just manage 2 type d cover page. at least i did something for starter. still haven't done anything for d majlis anugerah. hopefully i won't end up doing d work alone coz i'm bad at instructing ppl 2 do their job. in d end i do everything on my own. how i wish i can just tk a break from all these.

1 Week Is Not Enough

d holidays already coming to an end. i still haven't finish d work that i brought home. i'm not feeling well due to cold n dry cough. llife been quite stressful since d beginning of d yr. i hv faith that things will get better soon. hopefully.

holidays!!!!!

2day suppose 2 b d starting of 1 wk school holidays but as usual yours truly had 2 go 2 school 2 oversee the scouts marching practice. then next wk xtra class. where d holidays actually. i still hv 2 finish marking d mthly test. 2 more classes 2 be finished. i brought home d students books 2 be marked but i doubted i can finish it coz my 2 sons will always keep me occupied. whatever it is i'm looking forward 2 spend more time with my children n cook 4 them. probably spoil them a little bit.

what a week!!!!

this is d 2nd wk that i hv 2 work till saturday. next wk will be another long wk since d larian sevens is on saturday. on tuesday there will be sukantara. that what i know of what will happen next wk. working on saturday usually will mean a major problem 4 me since the kids nursery will be closed. so yesterday i brought along my 2 boys to work. pity them coz they hv 2 tk a shower very early in d morning. this coming saturday still a long way. so i will think what 2 do with d kids mid next wk. now i just want 2 rest 4 a while coz both of them r sleeping.